your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
