Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
