he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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