Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
