Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize