I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
