so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
