we made out on top of his cat.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
