A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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