His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize