Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
