They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
