am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
