i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
