idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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