he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
