i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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