sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
