sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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