Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Is Oprah even human
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
