doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
