i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
do herpes really smell.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
