i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
