those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
