dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
