Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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