I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
