so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
