I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
