I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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