haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
