So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
zippers are such a cool invention
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
