Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
