it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
