so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
my liver is dry heaving
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
