OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
