I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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