I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
