Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize