can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize