I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
