just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize