Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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