her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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