Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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