I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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