Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
