did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
