This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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