Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
