No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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