Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
