Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
