Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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