i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
