some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
