I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
