When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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