I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm too high and old for this...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
