drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
