is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's no shave November. This is our time.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
