So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Randomize
