Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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