Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Randomize
