I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
