She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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