i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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