she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I still have a little drunk in my system
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
