party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
People in love make me want to vomit
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
