My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
