you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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