Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
