Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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