Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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