dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
