Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
